Tees, Please

I’ve spent a lot of time and energy with this blog complaining about how our compliance office wants nothing more than for me to go away and how I’m not exactly a huge fan of theirs either.  For the most part this was just a charade, as the rules compliance were enforcing really weren’t their rules at all but were instead those of the NCAA.  And the truth is I knew that most of the stuff I was doing was going to be frowned upon, but I did it anyway just to be an antagonist (shocking, I know).  Still, I enjoyed complaining about how compliance was out to get me (they weren’t) and how I had so many great ideas that I could execute if compliance wasn’t so strict (I didn’t).  As any high school girl who starts “drama” will tell you (more like all girls, amirite fellas?), it’s sort of fun to complain from time to time.  But if I’m going to falsely complain about compliance when it’s really the NCAA’s fault, I think it’s only fair to give compliance credit when they come through for me.  And, man, did they ever come through for me.

Since the latter part of the summer, I’ve been bugging our compliance office about a way to let me get t-shirts to the Trillion Man March.  You guys were (and still are) flooding my inbox with t-shirt requests and my only solution was to send you to the Cafepress site that had been set up by another member of the TMM.  I wasn’t a huge fan of this because it seemed like a sketchy way to get you shirts, but it was really the only solution I had so I sent people there.  I even ordered a few shirts from the Cafepress site for myself and while the quality isn’t terrible, they aren’t exactly the nicest t-shirts I own.  I wasn’t satisfied with the Cafepress route, so I decided to investigate a better way to get Club Trillion shirts on the backs of those of you who wanted them so badly.  Thanks to the efforts of the compliance office, a better way has been discovered.  The good news is that I now have a way to get you high quality shirts from a reliable source.  The bad news is that the shirts are so awesome they might blow your mind.

The deal that was made that puts Club Trillion shirts in your possession is really a perfect situation as far as I’m concerned.  Since the NCAA hates it when student-athletes make money (but loves it when they make money off the student-athletes), I obviously cannot profit from this venture.  However, I can have the money donated to a charity which is exactly what’s going to happen.  Most of you probably think that the “charity” that the money is going to is the “Mark Titus Chipotle Fund” and while you certainly can donate money there if you so choose, I’ve actually decided to give the money to a more legitimate charity.  I chose to give the money to A Kid Again, which is a local charity that benefits children with life threatening illnesses.  Two years ago the basketball team helped out with a clinic-type thing that was put on for kids from A Kid Again and I immediately fell in love with the charity.  The people are full of energy and the smiles that they put on the faces of the kids is truly something special to see.  Upon finding out that  I would have to give money from the t-shirts to a charity, I immediately knew I would choose A Kid Again because spending five minutes with the kids exposed me to more bravery than I had been exposed to throughout the rest of my life combined.  I can confidently assure you that the money couldn’t go to a more enthusiastic charity than A Kid Again.

As you might have noticed, there is now a link in the upper right hand corner of this website that will take you to A Kid Again’s website, which is where you can get your t-shirt (for those who don’t feel like scrolling up, you can just click here).  I got a local clothing manufacturer (whose business I’d love to plug but can’t because of the NCAA) to jump on board and take care of processing all the orders.  After his cost of making the shirts has been reimbursed, 100% of the remaining money goes towards A Kid Again’s efforts.  I’m not exactly a clothing expert, but in my humble opinion the shirts couldn’t be a higher quality and are really kind of a steal considering you get free shipping too.  Plus, your money is going to a great cause.  If you have even a slight interest in helping kids out and/or getting a Club Trillion t-shirt, I beg you to make a donation and get a shirt.  I’ve put a good deal of work (along with a lot of other people) into getting this set up and really think that it could turn out to be a pretty cool fundraising opportunity for A Kid Again.  And let’s not forget that you’ll be getting an undeniably awesome t-shirt in the deal.  It’s really too bad that there isn’t a time of year quickly approaching in which people get presents for the ones they love, cause these shirts would make for a perfect gift…

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If you want to read more about A Kid Again, you can do so by visiting their website and reading their mission statement.

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I’m not really counting this as a blog entry because it’s only real purpose was to introduce the shirts.  Therefore, I neglected to include a certain link that many of you look forward to so much (see what I did there?).  I’m also not throwing a YouTube or Streak for the Cash shout-outs at the end of this because I’m in New York City right now and would rather spend my time getting flipped off by Yankee fans with road rage than sifting through e-mails containing YouTube links.  Sorry to disappoint the five of you who love how I end each blog entry.  I’ll write a recap of NYC when I get back to Columbus and normalcy will be restored.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus

Club Trillion Founder

Pursuing Perfection

On Thursday night we finished the first week of our season by beating James Madison by 28 points.  I personally thought that James should have brought at least four other teammates along with him, but he must have been confident that he could take our entire team on by himself.  Seems like a lot to ask of a guy that’s been dead for over 150 years, but then again if he can father something as magnificent as the Constitution, I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be able to hold his own against us.  As it stands, I can just about guarantee that Madison now wishes that he focused his Federalist Paper No. 10 on how to contain The Villain in pick-and-roll situations instead of how to contain political factions, but that’s sort of stating the obvious.

As for what happened on the court, most people who watched would agree that the first 38:53 had its moments, but the action really didn’t pick up until the final 1:07 of the game.  Strangely enough that happened to be right around the time that I checked into the game (note: it was the exact time I checked into the game) and recorded what was probably the first perfect game of the season in all of college basketball.  For those who don’t remember, a perfect game consists of not only registering a trillion (if you don’t know what a trillion is, you have a lot of catching up to do), but doing it without even touching the ball.  This perfect game is especially important to me because it marked the first trillion I have recorded in a game since I started writing this blog (I also had a perfect game in our exhibition against Walsh, but it didn’t count because it wasn’t a real game).  There has been a lot of pressure on me to practice what I preach and for the most part I had been failing to live up to said pressure, which is why it feels good to finally get that trillion pound monkey off my back.

Our victory against James Madison came three days after we beat Alcorn State 100-60 and The Villain recorded the second triple-double in Ohio State history (the only previous one occurred sometime in the 80’s).  Despite our differences through the years, I will admit that I was slightly impressed with The Villain’s performance and I’m anticipating great things from him all year.  But don’t expect me to kiss his feet just yet.  Sure he got a triple-double, but as I already said, so has someone else in Ohio State history.  If he really wants to stand out and gain my respect, he needs to stop getting triple-doubles and start getting some double-triples.  That doesn’t seem like too much to ask.

I checked into the Alcorn State game with more than 2:30 to play, which was the most I have played at Ohio State since the very first game of my career.  To put it into perspective, I played more in the Alcorn State game than I did in all of last year’s games combined, so it goes without saying that I was borderline exhausted at the end of the game.  Still, I saw a perfect opportunity to record a three trillion (which was unprecedented for me) and knew that I had to put the pain from my burning lungs out of my mind if I were to see it through.  After playing for about two minutes, the trillion was still intact, but with around 40 seconds remaining, an Alcorn State shot caromed off the rim and came directly at me.  None of my teammates were anywhere close to me, which meant that I had no choice but to grab the ball.  Since I absolutely had to get the rebound, I thought I’d execute one of those emphatic-smacking-of-the-ball rebounds that all the cool kids do.  I don’t want to get too cocky but based on what I remember, the ball-slap rebound (some great jokes could be made with that term) was performed pretty perfectly, to the point that even the three fans in the upper deck could hear it.  I would never condone losing a trillion, but if it absolutely must happen, I think it’s pretty clear that a ball-slap rebound is the best possible consolation prize.

Altogether, it was a pretty successful week for both Club Trillion and the Ohio State Buckeyes.  We are 2-0, The Villain put up a triple-double, and I was dangerously close to pulling off back-to-back trillions.  More importantly, the mustache I’m growing out for Movember made two appearances on high definition television.  It might be too soon to tell, but it seems like this could be a pretty successful senior year for me.  We play North Carolina and either Syracuse or Cal next week in Madison Square Garden, which means I basically get an off week to gear up for the remainder of our nonconference schedule, yet still get the opportunity to pull off some serious warm-up board slaps in the Mecca of basketball.  It might be cliché to say that I’m “living the dream”, but until someone comes up with a better way to explain what it’s like to get a perfect game, make it rain during warm-ups in basketball’s most famous arena, and consistently win verbal altercations with The Villain, I’m going to continue to describe my experiences in such a manner.  Scratch that.  On second thought, I’m really not living the dream at all.  Not even close, actually.   I’m more accurately living the opposite of “the dream”.  No dream of mine would ever have The Villain play a predominant role in it.

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Streak for the Cash Group Leader: T. Rittenhouse (streak of 15 wins)

Streak for the Cash Group Loser: J. Beer who has the best last name (even though it’s absolutely fake) in the history of Streak(streak of 9)

Your awesome YouTube, which happens to be one of my favorite commercials from back in the day, was sent in to me by Ed B. There’s your shout-out, Ed. And here's your video.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus

Club Trillion Founder