Last night we played Bowling Green and the game was a little bit closer than what I had hoped. Translation: I got a DNP-CD, which even though your intuition might say otherwise, doesn't stand for "Do Not Puncture - Call Doctor." It surprisingly stands for "Did Not Play - Coach's Decision." Because of this, I was unable to obtain the trillion. The bright spot of the night, other than our win of course, came when Club Trillion got to participate in one of our favorite traditions.
We here at Club Trillion have a knack (not to be confused with a knickknack, and certainly not to be confused with a paddywhack or giving a dog a bone) for coming up with ways to stay involved in the game. Obviously we are more involved than the average fan, but we found ourselves yearning for more than a court-side seat and a chance to look into the timeout huddle. That's why we came up with our favorite in-game tradition that doesn't involve obtaining a trillion. The way it works is that whenever a member of Club Trillion (or two other people who will remain nameless) get their hands on the game ball, they are obligated to pass the ball down the bench so that the other people in on it can get a "touch." It's kind of like the obligation one feels to lick the other side of the lid on a pudding cup after peeling it off. Last night, we ended up with four touches on a particular play, at which point the referee called for the ball back. Often times Club Trillion goes the entire game without touching the ball, which, as I mentioned in a previous post, is referred to as a "perfect game" when we obtain a trillion in the process. This game allows us to experience the rush of touching a real life game ball, without putting our perfect games in jeopardy.
Another fantastic thing that happened yesterday was that Gus Johnson, who is unarguably the world's greatest announcer ever, called our game. Seriously, any argument you have that says otherwise is made invalid by this. Gus Johnson could do a play-by-play of an elderly woman buying groceries and I would watch. It would probably go something like: "Reaches for the green beanssss.....OHHH! She got 'em! AND THEY'RE ON SALE! Goes to put them in the carrrrtttt.....AND SHE DOESN'T SMASH THE BREAD!" which would then be followed with a bunch of noises that in no way, shape, or form come anywhere close to sounding like English. I know that I'm not the first person to publicly claim his man-love for Gus Johnson and I can assure you I won't be the last, but the fact that he's working for the Big Ten Network makes me feel like Christmas came early. (Sidenote: The coolest part about that video is that if you close your eyes, you swear that the kid who opened the gift is Gus Johnson. If the kid's as lucky as Gus, he might have a future in being awesome, too.) I know I make light of a lot of things on this blog, but I have never been more serious than when I say that telling Gus Johnson yesterday how much he rules was a special moment in my life. I've had conversations with Dick Vitale, Rick Reilly, Verne Lundquist, and Erin Andrews-Titus, but talking with Gus Johnson takes the cake.
I also want to use this post to give a shout-out to the fellas in "Block O" who are also members of The Trillion Man March and had Club Trillion T-shirts made up. I planned on putting together a logo and laying out an online merchandise store, but to those of you who took initiative, I applaud you. I still might go through with the merchandise line, which will feature stuff for the ladies as well as the gents. I also saw two #34 jerseys last night which runs the count up to 4. Good work to those who rocked the jerseys.
Finally, after giving it some thought, I am opening up my e-mail account for fan mail, hate mail, I think you might be the father mail, any other kind of spam mail, and really any sort of mail you can think of. Except of course regular mail, because e-mail really doesn't work that way. So if you really have something you want to get off your chest and you don't think the comment section can contain it, e-mail me at ClubTrillion@gmail.com. To all of you chugging on a tall glass of Haterade, sending me an e-mail is a surefire way to use curse words and not get them starred out, so keep that in mind. Also, if anybody has any questions or suggestions on how to make the blog better, please let me know.
Before I go, I promised Walter Offutt that I would give him a shout-out on the blog, so here it goes. In practice leading up to the BG game, I dotted Walter Offutt, fellow native of the Indianapolis area. Please understand that this doesn't change my view of you as a person, Walter. I cast friendships aside when working in the business of dotting. I trust you understand. Better luck next time.
Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)
#34 Jerseys: 4 to date (2 last game)
Your Friend and My Favorite,
Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder