Friday, November 28, 2008

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

Most of you are probably still a little bit sleepy from the insane amount of tryptophan you consumed yesterday or more likely from the absurdly boring football the Lions played, so I will completely understand if you doze off while reading this. By the way, you can't really blame the Lions for having a lousy football team. They are, in fact, from the same state as another notoriously lousy football team. And I'm not talking about the Spartans.

I spent my Thanksigivng day in beautiful Columbus, Ohio, where the sun shines a little brighter, the air is a little cleaner, and where looting is socially acceptable if the football team loses. We weren't really given the opportunity to go home because we practiced in the middle of the day. Coach Matta and his wonderful wife ended up cooking for us, though, so not all was lost. And by cooking, I mean getting food catered. And by Coach Matta and his wife, I mean his wife. I piled my plate up with turkey, ham, corn, a couple rolls, and I kid you not my body weight in mashed potatoes. Throw in a handful of chocolate-chip cookies for dessert and in the end I had a pretty nice meal. I also managed to raid the secret stash of candy Mrs. Matta has around the corner of the stairs in the basement. This is where she keeps all the big boys, but it is somewhat tucked away from the rest of the party and few people know about it. I, being an upperclassmen and thus experienced in the nuances of Mrs. Matta's procedure of laying out the candy, knew exactly where to go and ended up hoarding a majority of the good stuff. I didn't take the candy for my own gluttonous pleasure, but rather to use it to demonstrate my position of power. I controlled the candy supply and thus controlled the masses. The same hierarchy is used with candy on Halloween. It's kind of like the conch shell in "Lord of The Flies." I didn't really want the object, I just wanted the power associated with the object. And even though nobody really said anything to me about it, as we were leaving the Matta house I could see it on the guys' faces that they respected me a little bit more than they did when we arrived.

Another fantastic thing that happened since you last heard from me is that this very blog you are reading got some national exposure through the blog known as "Basketbawful." My entry about dotting people was referenced in one of their "word of the day" entries. In case you were wondering about how awesome their site is, you should consider checking this out. In case you were wondering about a cheaper way to get a rhinoplasty, you should consider checking this out. The only real complaint I have with Basketbawful is that they view the trillion as a bad thing, when we all know that getting a trillion is more difficult than having fun at prom while your parents are chaperoning. Nonetheless, I am thankful, in this the season of giving thanks, for the recognition this blog is starting to get.

I want to let The Trillion Man March in on a little secret. Evan Turner is one of the guys on the team who I know would never, under any circumstances, read my blog. Because of this, I thought he would be perfect for the project I am undertaking. I am going to change my status on Facebook to read whatever his reads and see how long it takes before he notices. For you older readers, you might want to have your kids/neighbors explain what Facebook is and how it works. Maybe have them do this right after you scold them for driving so gersh dern fast through the neighborhood while blasting that gersh dern devil music they're listening to. My immediate guess is that Evan will eventually find out from someone else on the team who reads the blog, but hopefully that won't happen. Certainly nobody from The Trillion Man March would do such a thing. I'll try to update you on what his status says during each blog entry I make. Keep in mind that there is a huge culture gap between Evan's and my lifestyle, so hopefully he comes up with statuses that will be funny for me to use. After making the appropriate adjustments, my status now reads:

Mark "swagger right? tight."

I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I guess that's the beauty of it.

Finally, we play Samford tomorrow, which some people have called "Harvard of the West." Some of their famous alumni include Tiger Woods, John Elway, and the undisputed king of the NBA trillion, who probably by some sort of prophecy has my first name and Kyle's last name. Take all the time you need to fully comprehend what the last part of the previous sentence says.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Founder