Sunday, November 2, 2008

Per Diem

Today we had a closed scrimmage at Miami (OH), which meant it was the first opportunity this year for me to experience the coolest thing about college basketball. Some might think the best part for Club Trillion is that we get hoards of women with low self-esteem thrown at us. Others might think the best part is that we get to hobnob with people such as Erin Andrews, Erin Andrews, and Erin Freaking Andrews. However, the greatest perk college basketball has to offer is per diem.

Some of you are probably saying, "I'm sorry, Mark, but I don't speak in tongues. What is this per diem you are talking about?" In response to this I say, "How about you be a little more patient? Did you honestly think that I was going to bring up per diem and then not talk about it? You have the patience of either a 7-year-old or a woman."

Per diem is a Latin phrase that directly translates to English as "cooler than sitting in a chair like AC Slater." It is the part of the road trip in which the managers dish out cash like they are professional athletes at a nightclub. Per diem for road trips ranges anywhere between $10 and $10,000. Over Christmas break, we are given anywhere between $100 and a 10 day NBA contract. The rationale behind per diem is that we are getting cash in place of the meals that we missed while we were on the road. I could care less what the rationale is. Alls I knows is that daddy is beefing up his pockets for doing absolutely nothing. And that's the great thing about per diem--it comes out of nowhere for unclear reasons and brightens my day. It's like winning the American Family Publishing Sweepstakes with a basketball manager in place of Ed McMahon. And petty cash in place of life-altering cash. So basically it's not like the AFP (Do they use that abbreviation? It doesn't look right. What's the difference between the AFP and the Publisher's Clearinghouse?) at all. You should get the idea and if you don't, you are nowhere near intelligent enough to read this blog. The point is, per diem is basically like a welfare check, only instead of being financially unstable, I qualify for getting a free handout cause my jumper is wetter than a Saturday afternoon in Seattle. And that's why college basketball rules.

In today's blog, I'm implementing a new way to end all of my blogs from here on out. So without further adieu, here is today's awesome basketball YouTube clip:

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder