Friday, November 14, 2008

Walsh Analysis

Calm down. I know you are upset, but if you just give me a minute to explain myself, I think you will be alright. I am fully aware that by dribbling out of bounds last night I messed up my chance at the coveted trillion. But you need to understand why it's not nearly as big of a deal as you think. Here are some reasons you should find a happy place, rub your earlobes, and count to ten.

--You know who else has dribbled out of bounds before? LeBron James. At least I knew I stepped out. He just kept posting up even though he had both feet all over the sideline.


--I'm what some would call a free spirit. If some bully tries to tell me what to do, I usually just end up doing the opposite. And that baseline looked right at me and said, "Stay in-bounds, scallywag." Naturally, I had to show it up and step out.

--I still finished with a box score of 1,000,000,010,000 which, when rounded to the nearest trillion, is exactly one trillion.

--It was an exhibition game. Why would I waste a trillion on a game that is going to be erased from the history books anyway?

--Sure I stepped out, but I looked good doing it. And according to the new school of basketball, looking good is really all that matters.

--I have zero career turnovers. I wanted to use the exhibition game to see what a TO felt like. Now that I know, I vow to never experience that feeling again.

I know I let The Trillion Man March down by disregarding a fundamental rule of basketball, but I assure you that last night was not a glimpse into the future. Just like it was a practice game for the team, it was also a practice game for Club Trillion. It's been awhile since I've had an opportunity to pull off the trillion and I definitely (notice the spelling all you "definately" and "definitally" people out there) showed my rust last night. There was some good that came from the game, though.

Kyle Madsen, former blogger and co-founding member of Club Trillion, stepped up in a big way posting a box score of something like 154950329909302. I may have just headbutted my number pad a few times, but the point is that Kyle was tearing up. Kyle will always be a member of Club Trillion, even if his success makes him more out of place than this scene from "Saved by The Bell."

Danny Peters, yet another former blogger and co-founding member of Club Trillion, did his thing and got a trillion. Really not much else to say. My man did what he was called upon to do. We have a saying in Club Trillion--"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." We also have a more applicable saying--"Act like you've been there before." Nice work, Danny, but you and I both know that we have many more trillions to come.

And even though I stepped out of bounds, I found some positives to take from the game. I laid two of the most vicious screens in Ohio State basketball history and actually heard one of the guys I screened say to me, "In case I don't make it, tell my mother I love her" as he stumbled backward. The other guy just said, "Hmmppff" and grabbed his probably dislocated shoulder. That got me thinking. I should have a "Bone-Crushing Screen Count" set up on the blog, and as I record more and more spine-altering screens, I will update the counter. I also saw two #34 jerseys in the stands. Critics could say that these jerseys represent former Big Ten Player of The Year Terence Dials, who wore #34 immediately before I did. Maybe they are on to something, but the last time I checked Terence has been gone for three years. Surely something or someone is making the fans continue to rock their #34 jerseys. So to go along with my "Bone-Crushing Screen Count", I am going to implement the "#34 Jersey Count" and update it as I see more and more fans represent the greatest blogger to ever play basketball at Ohio State (Because I'm the only OSU basketball player to have a blog, I'm also the worst, but let's leave that part out). Since the game was only an exhibition, these figures do not count either, but I still will start the counter. The two counters will serve as a way for The Trillion Man March and me to work together. I'll take care of setting murderous screens and I'll leave it up to you guys to bust out the old Terence Dials (or Lawrence Funderburke for you old school readers) jerseys to wear to the games. All of this is assuming you give me another chance to show you that I am capable of pulling off the trillion. I won't let you down.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)

#34 Jerseys: 0 to date (0 last game)



Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder