Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Let's Make A Dale

Apparently all it took was me posting a picture of Larry The Cable Guy for my new friend Dale "Woody" Thornton to write me another e-mail. He only had five questions this time around, so we had to ditch our title of "Ten Questions With Club Trillion", but the idea is the same. Dale sends in an over the top e-mail. I provide insightful and mildly entertaining responses to his questions. Let's get down to business.


That's not a question, Dale. But yes, yes I did.

"I typed in Mark Titus and Club Trillion into Wikipedia, hoping that there would be something talking about me so I could show my cousin Conrad that I'm not full of crap and that I really am an internet legend, but nothing came up. Did I have one beer too many or is there really not a Wikipedia page for you?"

I can't help you here Dale. I was going to create a my own Wikipedia page, but I don't play wide receiver in the NFL and therefore don't want to come across as blowing my own horn. Surely someone in The Trillion Man March would know how to make a Wikipedia page. Speaking of Wikipedia, is there anything in this world more frustrating than not being able to use Wiki as a source for academic work? I say no. Before you go all "Dr. Citeyoursource" on me and point out that Wiki can be edited by any Neo-Nazi with a computer, you should take a look at this.

"Do you guys bully that Danny Peters? I heard he wears a T-shirt under his jersey cause you guys make fun of the size of his arms."

I can't speak for the whole team, but I personally do not bully Danny. If I did, though, I would without a doubt take my bullying techniques from Jonah Takalua of "Summer Heights High." For those of you who don't get that reference, I suggest you do some research and familiarize yourself with the funniest show on TV.

"Which television or film character would be your ideal prom date? I'd be howling at the moon if I got to take Kelly Kapowski to the prom."

Summer Sanders. No questions asked. Some of you may be saying, "Mark, she's a little too old to take to the prom." Others might chime in with, "Technically she was a host of a game show and not a character." I don't care. I've said it many times--It's my blog and I make the rules. If you really disagree with my decision that much, then I would recommend that you not click here, here, here, or here. Gotcha with that last one, didn't I?

Dale got me thinking. Why is prom restricted to high school? I know there are frat/sorority formals on college campuses across the country, but where can a college kid slow dance to Lonestar's "Amazed" with a co-ed in a sequined dress? Nowhere. Except the local high school prom. And you'd have to be crazy to roll those pedophile dice.

That's why I'm calling on all you party animals out there to take the time to slow it down a bit. If you are going to host a party, you need to give your guests what they want. And even though they may never say it, they want K-Ci and JoJo pretty much every other song. This is a pattern that under no circumstances will ever fail you.

"Would you rather get a right cross in the jaw from my cousin Conrad, who used to wrestle for Ohio Valley Wrestling or name your first daughter Ann Arbor Titus?"

Dale, you son of a gun. You did it again.

Evan Turner's Facebook Status:
Evan "im not famous but alot of famous people know me."

Would it kill you to just put "Evan isn't famous but a lot of famous people know him"? Is that really too much to ask? You're better than that, Evan.

By recommendation from a member of the Trillion Man March, here's your awesome basketball-related YouTube clip:

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus
Club Trillion Founder