Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Glimpse of Sincerity

Wow. Words can't express how overwhelmed I am right now. Actually they can and they will throughout the remainder of this entry. But you get the idea. As you probably know by now, I was on The B.S. Report, which apparently has a large audience consisting of people who will do whatever Simmons tells them. I was more nervous than anything in my life, mostly because the only goal I ever had with this blog was for Bill Simmons to acknowledge it. With that being said, even though I achieved my only goal with the blog, I will now use this attention to propel myself towards bigger goals, such as Erin Freaking Andrews. My original plan was to ask her on a date during a live interview so she would be pressured into saying yes, which I totally realize is more desperate than Squints' attempt to french Wendy Peffercorn. I am now hoping that the success this blog has had will ease the tension a little bit and I can use it to formulate a much less creepy way of approaching her.

Tonight we beat the Jacksonville Dolphins and I spent the entire game trying to convince myself that we weren't playing the Jacksonville Jaguars or the Miami Dolphins. I just don't understand why JU couldn't pick a different nautical creature for their mascot, but that's their business I guess. I refuse to give any analysis about the game cause that's boring, but I will clear up one misconception. I did not get into the game tonight and therefore couldn't get the rebound that many box scores claim that I got. I'm not sure why this error occurred, but I don't like it one bit. Now that that's out of the way, back to what I originally wanted to do.

I'm going to use this entry to thank the people who have helped make this entirely irrelevant blog as successful as it never should have been. It's like my award acceptance speech, except it's a lot cooler than any award acceptance speech ever could be. Except, of course, Jimmy V's. And, of course, the Carmelo Anthony speech at the 2003 ESPY'S where he thanked himself. Two very similar speeches, really.

My first thank you goes out to my best friend Andy Keller. He convinced me to start the blog in the first place and provides me with a lot of good ideas for how to make it better. He literally has the exact same sense of humor as me, but sadly his inability to knock down the open J took away his chance at having a successful college basketball blog of his own. His greatness can best be summed up by the fact that he and I have engaged in a Toby Keith battle. Every time either of us comes across "Courtesy of The Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith on the radio, we call the other and scream the entire song into the phone at the top of our lungs. It is understood by the person answering the phone that hanging up is simply not an option. This started when he called me at three in the morning. There appears to be no end in sight. Also, I feel like it should be noted for all the ladies out there (especially in Tucson, Arizona) that he is single and is, by all accounts, the consummate gentleman. It's probably a good idea to get to know Keller, cause chances are he will be making many appearances in the blog.

My second thank you is to my literary inspiration and potential biological father, Bill Simmons. I have read his stuff since I was in junior high, and even though I hate pretty much everything about the Boston sports scene sans Larry Bird and "The Rick", I always kind of wanted to be him. I totally thought the request that I got to be on The B.S. Report was a hoax, because I never thought Simmons would ever look my way, let alone ask me to come on his show. I almost feel indebted to him now and I'm not sure I can ever fully repay him.

Finally, I want to thank the Trillion Man March. I know that all of you want individual shout-outs, but this post is long enough already and I can't accommodate everyone, so deal with it. I can't believe the response this blog has gotten, and none of it would be possible without you guys. I read every word of every e-mail and truly do appreciate everything you guys have to say. I vow to do the best I can to provide some cheap laughs and entirely unimportant analysis of the happenings in my life as a college basketball player, as long as you vow to keep reading. I have been getting a lot of e-mails asking how to obtain merchandise. Unfortunately, I can't make any t-shirts myself because of NCAA rules, but I did get an e-mail from one of my favorite fans, Dale Thornton, that said he has opened up an online store. E-mail him at and he will surely hook you up. I'm thinking now that Dale started making this merchandise, it's time to ditch the #34 jersey counter and start up the Club Trillion merchandise counter. So far, the only design he has is the homage to RUN DMC that I have on here, but he assures me that more designs are coming later. Anyway, I truly do appreciate the support and I apologize for being a little sappy with this post. I promise that next post I'll get back to my old ways, including the Evan Turner Facebook status update. With that, here's your awesome basketball YouTube clip sent in to me by Ben. Good work, Ben.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus
Club Trillion Founder