Thursday, October 30, 2008

Total Lack of Respect

So essentially the first two blogs were like the pilot blogs, or feeler blogs if you will (and please say you will) that were just trying to get a better idea for who might be interested in the Club Trillion blog. Needless to say, not only did a large number of you read the blog, you demanded more. I thank you for this. Now that we got that emotional garbage out of the way, let's get down to business.

There are very few things in this world that upset me. The fact that cows have four stomachs and I, as far as I know, only have one. When people hold the door open for me and I'm 20 yards away, they consequently make me feel obligated to pick up my previously comfortable pace of walking so that I can accommodate their attempt at doing their good deed for the day. The fact that basketball referees wear dress pants. However, none of these things upset me nearly as much as what went down today after practice.

Everyone on the team was told to change into their game uniforms for a photo shoot "The Columbus Dispatch" was going to conduct. After hearing this, I walked over to where our uniforms had been placed and started to put mine on. I was then quickly interrupted with a "No, no, no...we don't need you for this picture." You don't need me for this picture? Are you serious? Silly me. Here I was thinking that when they said everyone on the team, they wanted to face of the team to be included. I was wrong. At least I could take comfort in the fact that Danny was left out of the photo shoot, too. (Kyle, on the other hand, wasn't left out. Read the last blog outlining why Kyle Madsen is putting his Club Trillion membership in jeopardy.)

I know what you may be saying to yourself right now. You could be saying, "If I don't get a Toaster Strudel in my digestive system soon, I'll go bonkers." However, you are more likely saying, "Wait, Mark. I thought you liked being excluded from all the other players. Isn't that what Club Trillion is all about?" Yes and no. We do try to establish ourselves as a different breed of basketball player. One that the guy who thought he was awesome in high school cause he could grow a beard and grab the rim can relate to. But at the same time we want to make it perfectly clear that we woke up at 5:30 in the a.m. all summer long (sidenote: "All Summer Long" was by far Kid Rock's worst work ever) and gave our blood, sweat, and (insert favorite bodily fluid here) to the workouts we endured. All we ask in return is a little respect. I'm looking at you, "The Columbus Dispatch." Is it too much to ask that Danny and I, with a Final Four and Big Ten Championship to our names, get our picture in with the rest of the team? I think not.

The late and great Tupac Shakur once said into a microphone that his posse was "flossin' but have caution we collide with other crews." (He also once said, "F the world", but I'm sure he was just having a rough day that consisted of waiting in line at the BMV and going to rent "From Justin to Kelly", only to find that Blockbuster was out of stock.) Club Trillion likes to think of ourselves in a similar light. Sure we are flossing (not literally, because that pulverises the gums), but we also aren't afraid to fight back when bullies try to give us wedgies or leave our picture out of the paper. So consider this our fighting back. Some would say we come across as being stubborn or childish, but last time I checked this is America. And as Americans, Club Trillion wants to exercise their right to fight back against the gersh dern people who left their picture out of the paper. Some injustices simply cannot go unanswered.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Scarlet and Gray Scrimmage

Today we had the annual Scarlet vs. Gray (or for our "gey" friends, "Grey") game and to say Club Trillion did their thing would be as big of an understatement as saying Garth Brooks is just an alright singer. Point is, of the estimated 4,000 people there, at least 4,000 of them wanted to see what Club Trillion was going to do next. Here's a recap for all of you who were too wrapped up in whatever it is that goes on during autumn Saturdays in Columbus.

Kyle Madsen (#15)--Kyle chose the un-Trillionite, but still very respectable, route of not only playing, but playing well. Dude had something like fourteen board slaps during warm-ups with at least 3 dunks, and then chose to turn it up a notch during the actual scrimmage. At one point, I literally heard an eldery woman in the stands say, "Kyle Madsen might have the wettest J on the team." This man was flexing his muscles and the fans liked what they saw. Some fans, however, felt as though Kyle sold out from his Club Trillion roots by being productive. In response to these accusations, Kyle said, "I understand the concern, but I want everyone to know that I am committed to the Club Trillion cause. Once a Trillionite, always a Trillionite, right?" Give this man a break, people. He's reaching out for your continued support and just because he was given a little more talent than the rest of the Club, doesn't mean he's all about himself.

Danny Peters (#13)--Danny proved that even though he's known for having what Coach John Wooden used to call "an ill handle", he can still make it rain. Danny ventured over to Kyle Madsen territory by participating in the scrimmage, but since he was forced into the situation, you can hardly be mad at him. He made the most of his unfortuante situation by knocking down a wide open 3 and making thousands of hearts melt in the process. Don't let the school-boy charm fool you folks--Danny Peters will rip your heart out using nothing more than a 20 foot jumpshot and the ability to dribble behind his back.

Mark Titus (#34)--At this point you are probably saying to yourself, "Mark, please tell me you upheld the Club Trillion way of life. Surely you didn't participate in the scrimmage did you? And if you did, don't tell me you did anything productive. My heart simply cannot take it." Have no fear ladies and gents, because yours truly held it down. I spent a majority of the scrimmage talking to two 8 year old kids who told me their names were "Drake and Josh." I called shenanigans on this. The kid who said his name was Josh then decided to claim that his name was "Gake" and I again called shenanigans. I was finally informed his name was "Jake" and since I rarely call shenanigans more than twice a day, I decided to let it slide. So Drake and Jake explained to me that the funniest thing ever would be to put a Sweet Tart in my water bottle. I told them the funniest thing ever could probably be found on YouTube. Jake then told me that he has a locker room pass and I told him I wasn't impressed in the slightest because I have a locker room pass too. And since I didn't see Jake in the locker room after the scrimmage, I assume that this kid is on the fast track to a life of breaking girls' hearts and eventually being arrested for fraud and embezzlement. Anyway, Drake and Jake were some pretty cool dudes who provided me with some quality entertainment, because let's be honest, seeing some of the best amateur athletes in the world can get pretty boring.

Just because I wrote the 2nd blog in this, the 2nd day of operations, I warn you to not get greedy and expect a blog a day. However, feel free to check back everyday and re-read old blogs in case you missed some nugget of hilarity. Also, feel free to comment on any blog. We are here to please you the reader, and any suggestions are not only welcome, but encouraged. With that, now would be a good time to tell your friends how BAMFtastic Club Trillion's blog is. You will probably end up being that cool guy in your group of friends who always comes across the newest and best stuff first. And who honestly doesn't want that?

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Friday, October 24, 2008

Welcome to Club Trillion's Blog

Nobody can know for certain why you chose to come check out the Club Trillion blog, but the fact is that you came across it and you have read this first sentence of the first blog, so you might as well just keep reading.

Club Trillion is an exclusive club founded in 2007 by three very handsome and very financially well-off Ohio State basketball players--Kyle Madsen (#15), Danny Peters (#13), and myself. We named ourselves "Club Trillion" because as athletically limited white folk, we found ourselves riding the bench for the Buckeyes. When the time came for us to get in, there would usually only be 1 minute remaining in the game and after sitting down for 39 minutes, we really had no interest in trying to be all that productive. So we devised the plan of trying to get the "trillion" which occurs when we play 1 minute and do absolutely nothing that would appear in the box score, thus making our stat line say 1 minute played followed by a bunch of zeroes. I know what you are saying to yourself right now. You are saying, "That is side-splittingly hilarious. These guys are probably just a comical party waiting to happen." You are absolutely right.

The purpose of our blog is to give you, the reader, a perspective on college basketball that you would never otherwise know about. Club Trillion is all about having a good time and frequently partakes in what many would classify as shenanigans. While we do enjoy finding new ways to constantly entertain ourselves, the fact remains that we are committed to winning and will probably go down as three of the winningest Ohio State basketball players of all-time. I can't say for certain how often we will post our blogs, but I would check back at least every ten minutes cause you don't want to be that guy who is left out of the water cooler conversation. So go spread the word that Club Trillion is in town and if you don't read our blog, we will take your milk money and tell every girl in school about that one secret that you thought nobody knew about.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder