Sunday, January 11, 2009

She's Only Seventeen

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As I alluded to in the previous post, I injured my foot getting buckets a few days ago. I didn't go into much detail because I wanted message boards all over the internet to blow up with discussion that would dwarf any "Lost" theory message board (Seriously, though, what's the deal with the polar bear from the first season? And why hasn't Hurley lost weight?). And that's exactly what happened.

I'm here to set the record straight. After talking with the doctors, I have learned a lot more about this terrible condition I am plagued with. Apparently I have what is referred to in the medical field as a Liz Frank injury. This came as surprising news to me, because I have read that little Jewish girl's book at least three times and she never mentions messing up the top of her foot. Goes to show how weird medical nomenclature really is. Apparently, it's the same injury that Ted Ginn had in the national championship a couple years ago. Anyway, I was told I could be out up to six weeks, but because I am a bonafide winner it will more likely be about two weeks or so. I want to take this time to thank all of you who sent me cards and flowers. Your concern at this dark point in my life means more to me than you will ever know.

Because I'm even more useless to the basketball team than I was before I got hurt, I decided to take this weekend off and come home to spend some quality time with my family. It's my sister's birthday tomorrow and we had a little family get together today. For those of you who took the liberty of looking up my sister on Facebook, please be aware that she's only seventeen. And while taking advice from Winger may seem like a good idea, keep in mind that they were Stewart's (of Beavis and Butt-head fame) favorite band and that dude was a loser.

The coolest part of the weekend came when I went shopping with my mom at Wal-Mart (we're high rollers) for my sister's birthday. I had obviously purchased my sister a Club Trillion sweatshirt, but my mom was looking to get a little something to go with the leather skirt she had already bought her. I was on my crutches at the time and was therefore offered a chance to ride those motorized carts that handicapped people use. Needless to say, I jumped on that opportunity like I was getting a golden ticket to Wonka's factory. I proceeded to put the pedal to the floor and I cruised through the store at a top speed of about five miles per hour. While my mom was actually looking for things to buy, I was trying to find the most narrow aisles with people in them, so I could make them feel bad when they had to get out of the way of my massive cart. I'm all about causing mayhem. The highlight of my time with the cart, though, came when I did donuts by the main entrance right before I returned the cart. The whole store was captivated with my ability to drive the cart, with the lone exception being the elderly man who had been sitting on a bench waiting for my juvenile mind to get done entertaining myself so his broken down body could use the cart for a legitimate purpose. Whoops.

My brother and I went to see "Gran Torino" yesterday and let me go on record as saying it was fantastic. I fully expected this, seeing as how the title of the movie rhymes with the name of the greatest quarterback of all time. I used the same rhyming pattern to determine that I really wanted to buy some hand flamingos, because they HAVE to be awesome, but after careful consideration I realized that I'm an idiot. Seriously,though, "Gran Torino" was phenomenal mostly because it (SPOILER ALERT!) featured Clint Eastwood being the champion badass that he is.

Other than some fun times with my family, the only other news I have to report is that I have started using a phrase that for whatever reason I simply can't stop saying. No matter the conversation, I've recently found a way to incorporate the phrase "that's just the nature of the beast" in some way. It's annoying for everyone involved, so if you see me on the street and I use this phrase, please know that I don't mean to be so lame with my descriptions of things. I just recently stopped saying "buzzkill", which was equally as brutal for everyone I spoke with. I don't know why, but when these words or phrases get in my head, I just can't stop using them. I guess that's just the nature of the beast.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 1 to date (0 last game)

Your awesome YouTube was sent in to me by Brian M. There's your shout-out, Brian. And here's your video.

Apparently, all you iPhone users can see the embedded videos and I was just wasting my time providing a link. So if you can't see the video, either get the appropriate application or just go to a computer. Sorry, but not really.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus
Club Trillion Founder