Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Little Housekeeping

As I’m sure many of you remember, I promised in my last blog post that this blog post would be dedicated to the FIFA video game series, or more specifically would be my review of the new FIFA 11 game that came out last Tuesday. After I casually mentioned awhile ago that I love FIFA so much I could write an entire blog entry about the game, a bunch of people in the TMM basically said “prove it” because they were avid FIFA players as well. I thought it would be a great idea since the new FIFA game just came out, but then a few things transpired between then and now that have since made me change my mind. Two of these things include:

  • FIFA 11 sucks – I didn’t want to write a review about the game because I would have been forced to write thousands of words about how bad it is, which is something I just can't bring myself to do. If you’ve played it, you undoubtedly agree with me and there’s no need for me to get into all the reasons why it sucks. If you don’t agree with me, you’re lying. If you’ve never played it, all you really need to know is that EA set out to make the most realistic soccer game ever, and while they certainly succeeded, they forgot one minor detail – realistic soccer sucks donkey balls compared to video game soccer.
  • Lack of response for The Belt – As upset as I was about FIFA 11, I was even more disheartened over the fact that only four walk-ons emailed me to register for The Belt (I capitalize the “T” and “B” only because I don’t have a name for the belt yet – suggestions welcome). You read that right - FOUR. I know that basketball isn’t on the forefront of most people’s minds right now and I know this blog is generally uninteresting during the offseason, but I’m still upset that only four people emailed me, especially considering that I know at least 12 walk-ons who are aware of this blog and absolutely should have registered by now (none of which have). Maybe I didn’t make it entirely clear how easy it is to register for this thing, so I’ll go over it again. If you are a Division I men’s basketball walk-on, take a second right now and ask yourself, “Am I a doucher?” If the answer to this question is yes, I suggest you immediately transfer from Michigan, get rid of your frosted tips, and maybe even grow a mustache for good measure. If the answer to the question is no, click on this link, type your name and what school you go to, and click “Send.” That’s it. You are now registered for what will ultimately be the most coveted award in college basketball history. You’re welcome.

The truth is that the main reason I didn’t write a FIFA review is because I don’t want to put down the game for the chunk of time it would take to effectively write it out. Even though I absolutely hate the game, I simply can’t quit it because I think I love it a little more than I hate it. It’s like FIFA and I have the same relationship as Ronnie and Sammi from Jersey Shore, only I don’t have to take FIFA to my smush room if I want to mess around with it.

Now that I’ve changed my mind and decided to not write about FIFA 11, I’m really left with nothing to write about until the basketball season gets here, so I’ve decided to make the next blog post the next installment of “The Cage.” In case you forgot, The Cage is my version of a mailbag, where I pretty much just take emails from the Trillion Man March and do everything in my power to provide completely irrelevant answers to the questions I’m given without actually answering the original questions. So, if you’ve got something to ask/tell me, be sure to send me an email and if it doesn’t suck I’ll address it in the next post.

Another thing I wanted to talk about in this post is the newest contest I’ve decided to have for everyone in the TMM (since, ya know, the contest for The Belt is going so well). This new contest is going to be a Club Trillion Halloween costume contest in which I will be giving out a free shirt to the best Club Trillion-themed costume. The important part about this contest is that “Club Trillion-themed costume” can be interpreted however you see fit. At first thought, it seems like whoever has the best basketball benchwarmer costume will win the contest, when really there are so many more (and better) costumes than that. You can dress like Journey from the “Separate Ways” video. You can rock a mustache, mullet, jean shorts, and tank top combo. You can dress like you think Gusalina would (for those of you who remember Gus). Hell, you can wear a t-shirt that says “Terrorism Sucks” with an American flag draped around your shoulders. The possibilities are nearly endless (Personally, if I were taking part in this contest I’d wear a giant penis costume and get a jersey that says “The Villain 21” to wear over it, but that’s just me). All that really matters is that there’s some sort of connection (no matter how small) to Club Trillion with the costume. I’ll be taking both creativity and execution into account, but mostly just creativity because that’s all I really care about. Take a picture of your costume and email it to me by November 3rd and I’ll post my favorites on the blog and let the TMM vote on the winner or something. The ultimate winner will get a free shirt, but it won’t be the standard CLUB TRIL shirt that all of you should have by now. No, the winner of the Halloween costume contest will be the first to get their hands on the new “FUNDAMENTALS MONTAGE!!!” shirt that will be available to the public shortly and will look a little something like this:

fundamentals montage shirt

If you think that getting a free Club Trillion shirt isn’t a big deal, take a look at this email from a member of the TMM named Sam, who just sent me this two days ago:

Dear Mark "The Shark" Titus,

I am a freshmen at Wake Forest University, and live in Carmel, Indiana. Just the other day I was procrastinating on the internet and so naturally went to read the new Club Trillion blog. Then I decided to buy a Club Tril t-shirt, since some of the money goes to charity and it never hurts to have extra shirts in college. I remember you once writing something about if you have a Club Tril shirt on there are bound to be plenty of attractive females around but I laughed thinking this was a joke. I wore my t-shirt for the first time today and you were not joking.

First, I saw easily the hottest freshman girl I have seen since Jenny Finch pitched for Arizona. Then one of our basketball players walks by and gives me a shoutout for wearing a Club Tril t-shirt, which triggers two young hotties to walk up to me and ask how I know him. Finally, I am walking back to my dorm pondering if in Indiana Keith Smart is actually more well known than the team he now coaches, when this senior babe starts staring at me. For a split second I fantasize that she is trying to use x-ray vision on me and check out the size of my package, but then she shouts out "Do you like club tril as much as I do?" This commences a five minute conversation on Club Tril in which I use the nugget of info about Billy Mays which makes her crack up. I then realized this t-shirt actually has more game than I do. This t-shirt is golden. Bitches be flockin.

Thank you for your generous help in the fight to get Sam a girl campaign,

Sam S.

I trust you understand the magnitude of this contest now.

So go work on your Club Trillion-themed costumes and send me an email for The Cage. And if you just so happen to be a D1 walk-on, please, for the love of God, email me and register for The Belt before I lose all the hope I had in the future of college basketball benchwarming. While you all do that, I’ll get back to playing FIFA. Ready, go. __________________________________________________

Your awesome YouTube was sent in to my by Darrell B. There’s your shout-out, Darrell. And here’s your video.

Proud To Be An American But Even Prouder To Be A Buckeye,

Mark Titus

Club Trillion Founder