Friday, November 28, 2008

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

Most of you are probably still a little bit sleepy from the insane amount of tryptophan you consumed yesterday or more likely from the absurdly boring football the Lions played, so I will completely understand if you doze off while reading this. By the way, you can't really blame the Lions for having a lousy football team. They are, in fact, from the same state as another notoriously lousy football team. And I'm not talking about the Spartans.

I spent my Thanksigivng day in beautiful Columbus, Ohio, where the sun shines a little brighter, the air is a little cleaner, and where looting is socially acceptable if the football team loses. We weren't really given the opportunity to go home because we practiced in the middle of the day. Coach Matta and his wonderful wife ended up cooking for us, though, so not all was lost. And by cooking, I mean getting food catered. And by Coach Matta and his wife, I mean his wife. I piled my plate up with turkey, ham, corn, a couple rolls, and I kid you not my body weight in mashed potatoes. Throw in a handful of chocolate-chip cookies for dessert and in the end I had a pretty nice meal. I also managed to raid the secret stash of candy Mrs. Matta has around the corner of the stairs in the basement. This is where she keeps all the big boys, but it is somewhat tucked away from the rest of the party and few people know about it. I, being an upperclassmen and thus experienced in the nuances of Mrs. Matta's procedure of laying out the candy, knew exactly where to go and ended up hoarding a majority of the good stuff. I didn't take the candy for my own gluttonous pleasure, but rather to use it to demonstrate my position of power. I controlled the candy supply and thus controlled the masses. The same hierarchy is used with candy on Halloween. It's kind of like the conch shell in "Lord of The Flies." I didn't really want the object, I just wanted the power associated with the object. And even though nobody really said anything to me about it, as we were leaving the Matta house I could see it on the guys' faces that they respected me a little bit more than they did when we arrived.

Another fantastic thing that happened since you last heard from me is that this very blog you are reading got some national exposure through the blog known as "Basketbawful." My entry about dotting people was referenced in one of their "word of the day" entries. In case you were wondering about how awesome their site is, you should consider checking this out. In case you were wondering about a cheaper way to get a rhinoplasty, you should consider checking this out. The only real complaint I have with Basketbawful is that they view the trillion as a bad thing, when we all know that getting a trillion is more difficult than having fun at prom while your parents are chaperoning. Nonetheless, I am thankful, in this the season of giving thanks, for the recognition this blog is starting to get.

I want to let The Trillion Man March in on a little secret. Evan Turner is one of the guys on the team who I know would never, under any circumstances, read my blog. Because of this, I thought he would be perfect for the project I am undertaking. I am going to change my status on Facebook to read whatever his reads and see how long it takes before he notices. For you older readers, you might want to have your kids/neighbors explain what Facebook is and how it works. Maybe have them do this right after you scold them for driving so gersh dern fast through the neighborhood while blasting that gersh dern devil music they're listening to. My immediate guess is that Evan will eventually find out from someone else on the team who reads the blog, but hopefully that won't happen. Certainly nobody from The Trillion Man March would do such a thing. I'll try to update you on what his status says during each blog entry I make. Keep in mind that there is a huge culture gap between Evan's and my lifestyle, so hopefully he comes up with statuses that will be funny for me to use. After making the appropriate adjustments, my status now reads:

Mark "swagger right? tight."

I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I guess that's the beauty of it.

Finally, we play Samford tomorrow, which some people have called "Harvard of the West." Some of their famous alumni include Tiger Woods, John Elway, and the undisputed king of the NBA trillion, who probably by some sort of prophecy has my first name and Kyle's last name. Take all the time you need to fully comprehend what the last part of the previous sentence says.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Founder

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The BG DNP-CD with GJ

Last night we played Bowling Green and the game was a little bit closer than what I had hoped. Translation: I got a DNP-CD, which even though your intuition might say otherwise, doesn't stand for "Do Not Puncture - Call Doctor." It surprisingly stands for "Did Not Play - Coach's Decision." Because of this, I was unable to obtain the trillion. The bright spot of the night, other than our win of course, came when Club Trillion got to participate in one of our favorite traditions.

We here at Club Trillion have a knack (not to be confused with a knickknack, and certainly not to be confused with a paddywhack or giving a dog a bone) for coming up with ways to stay involved in the game. Obviously we are more involved than the average fan, but we found ourselves yearning for more than a court-side seat and a chance to look into the timeout huddle. That's why we came up with our favorite in-game tradition that doesn't involve obtaining a trillion. The way it works is that whenever a member of Club Trillion (or two other people who will remain nameless) get their hands on the game ball, they are obligated to pass the ball down the bench so that the other people in on it can get a "touch." It's kind of like the obligation one feels to lick the other side of the lid on a pudding cup after peeling it off. Last night, we ended up with four touches on a particular play, at which point the referee called for the ball back. Often times Club Trillion goes the entire game without touching the ball, which, as I mentioned in a previous post, is referred to as a "perfect game" when we obtain a trillion in the process. This game allows us to experience the rush of touching a real life game ball, without putting our perfect games in jeopardy.

Another fantastic thing that happened yesterday was that Gus Johnson, who is unarguably the world's greatest announcer ever, called our game. Seriously, any argument you have that says otherwise is made invalid by this. Gus Johnson could do a play-by-play of an elderly woman buying groceries and I would watch. It would probably go something like: "Reaches for the green beanssss.....OHHH! She got 'em! AND THEY'RE ON SALE! Goes to put them in the carrrrtttt.....AND SHE DOESN'T SMASH THE BREAD!" which would then be followed with a bunch of noises that in no way, shape, or form come anywhere close to sounding like English. I know that I'm not the first person to publicly claim his man-love for Gus Johnson and I can assure you I won't be the last, but the fact that he's working for the Big Ten Network makes me feel like Christmas came early. (Sidenote: The coolest part about that video is that if you close your eyes, you swear that the kid who opened the gift is Gus Johnson. If the kid's as lucky as Gus, he might have a future in being awesome, too.) I know I make light of a lot of things on this blog, but I have never been more serious than when I say that telling Gus Johnson yesterday how much he rules was a special moment in my life. I've had conversations with Dick Vitale, Rick Reilly, Verne Lundquist, and Erin Andrews-Titus, but talking with Gus Johnson takes the cake.

I also want to use this post to give a shout-out to the fellas in "Block O" who are also members of The Trillion Man March and had Club Trillion T-shirts made up. I planned on putting together a logo and laying out an online merchandise store, but to those of you who took initiative, I applaud you. I still might go through with the merchandise line, which will feature stuff for the ladies as well as the gents. I also saw two #34 jerseys last night which runs the count up to 4. Good work to those who rocked the jerseys.

Finally, after giving it some thought, I am opening up my e-mail account for fan mail, hate mail, I think you might be the father mail, any other kind of spam mail, and really any sort of mail you can think of. Except of course regular mail, because e-mail really doesn't work that way. So if you really have something you want to get off your chest and you don't think the comment section can contain it, e-mail me at To all of you chugging on a tall glass of Haterade, sending me an e-mail is a surefire way to use curse words and not get them starred out, so keep that in mind. Also, if anybody has any questions or suggestions on how to make the blog better, please let me know.

Before I go, I promised Walter Offutt that I would give him a shout-out on the blog, so here it goes. In practice leading up to the BG game, I dotted Walter Offutt, fellow native of the Indianapolis area. Please understand that this doesn't change my view of you as a person, Walter. I cast friendships aside when working in the business of dotting. I trust you understand. Better luck next time.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)

#34 Jerseys: 4 to date (2 last game)

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Friday, November 21, 2008

Delaware State and So Much More

I feel incredibly overwhelmed by the events that have happened since my last post and I almost feel like one post isn't going to be enough for this go around. But since it is Friday and I surprisingly do other things besides the blog, you are just going to have to be content with one post.

The most important thing that has happened to me, and strangely enough the most irrelevant thing, is that I have fallen back in love with the greatest band in the history of mankind. Some say Journey can't be a great band because they are supposedly a rock band, yet they sing love ballads (a similar argument is made that Bill Laimbeer can't be a "Bad Boy" because he currently coaches a WNBA team). However, as any "Top Plays" list on any jukebox in America will tell you, Journey is boss. To some they may be softies, but to me they are a well-rounded band that cannot only rock the socks off of the fellas, but can also make the ladies weak in the knees. Need more proof? They also happened to make a music video so good that if it didn't exist, the world would be a much worse place.

As far as the basketball is concerned, we played our first official game last night and beat Delaware State by 28. The crowd at St. John was about what I expected, but the student section was surprisingly denser than what I had thought it would be. Maybe it was because the students needed something to do before they jumped in Mirror Lake. Maybe it was because it was the first game of the year and they wanted to get an early look at how good our team is. A more likely reason is that they wanted to see Club Trillion do what they do best--make it rain in warm-ups (with the occasional board slap) and put up a trillion in the game.

Before you litter my comment section with "Titus you suck for getting a rebound", "You ruined your trillion!!!", and "I find you very attractive and want to get to know you better. Call me", I am fully aware that a rebound ruins the trillion. Even if I wouldn't have remembered, The Trillion Man March reminded me by booing me after securing the ball, which is probably the single coolest thing to ever happen to me in my basketball career. If you were watching the game (and I trust all of you were), the rebound fell into my lap and there was really nothing I could do about it. If I would have blocked a guy out, jumped above the rim, grabbed the rebound, and gave that authoritative grunting noise some players do, then you would have a very valid argument as to why I am committing trillion suicide. But in the end, if I don't grab the rebound that fell right to me last night, I'm probably getting kicked off the team because of the perception that I have the world's worst reflexes. And that would make future trillions definitely unattainable. So I'll take your boos, but understand that there are some rebounds that deserve boos way more than mine.

You are ruining your trillion/career, Martin.

As far as the rest of the Club, let me start by saying Kyle is officially no longer a member. I had previously stated that he would still be a member even though he plays more than Danny and me, but I have since taken back that statement. He is now the first ever alumnus of Club Trillion. This means I'm no longer going to give you a recapitulation (did you know that's what recap is short for? Why does nobody ever use that word? It looks and sounds so much cooler) of what he does in the games. Maybe an anecdote here or there, but no more summaries of his box score.

Danny posted the first official trillion of the year. Not only that, he pulled off what we in the Club like to call a "perfect game", which occurs when one gets the trillion and doesn't even touch the ball in the process. I'll be honest and say I'm a little jealous of Danny at this point, but happy for him at the same time. Anytime a member of Club Trillion gets a trillion, in essence the entire Club gets a trillion, which is really just my way of rationalizing the fact that Danny outperformed me.

In other news, as most of you surely know, last night was the "Jump in Mirror Lake" night for the OSU students, as well as the "deploy our mounted police force and turn our heads when something illegal is going down" night for the police and the "please stop by for fourth meal when you use our restrooms" night for Mirror Lake Cafe. I jumped in my freshman year and have since decided that that was plenty for me, but I still do enjoy going to Mirror Lake and watching the chaos that ensues. But the craziest thing to happen at Mirror Lake last night didn't involve a topless co-ed, an inflatable whale, or an obese man in a speedo. That's because the craziest thing that happened was that on three different occasions, members of The Trillion Man March recognized me and mentioned the blog. These fans used guerrilla tactics to show their love for the blog, making their point and quickly mixing back in with the crowd. I couldn't get a good look at any of their faces, so if you saw me at Mirror Lake and mentioned the blog, thank you for making my night.

Finally, I didn't get a chance to bruise anyone's sternum with a vicious screen, but I did see two #34 jerseys in the stands, one of which I know for sure was due to the #34 jersey counter I established a couple entries ago. Maybe there were more, but I only spotted two. I saw many #20 jerseys, which are presumably for Greg Oden. I don't need to point out the obvious, but I have more career wins, more career three point field goals made, a better career free throw percentage, and a manlier beard than Greg (when I choose to grow it out). If that's not enough to make you set aside your #20 jersey, I don't know what is.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)

#34 Jerseys: 2 to date (2 last game)

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Monday, November 17, 2008

Ten Questions with Club Trillion

I apologize for not posting an entry in a few days. Because of this, I feel like I should reward The Trillion Man March. With that, I have a feeling this post will probably be a little longer than normal, but you can always just read half of it, watch a few re-runs of Seinfeld, and come back and finish it.

I've been getting all sorts of e-mails from a reader in Huber Heights named Dale. How he got my e-mail address is something I'm not too sure of, and why he continues to send me e-mails with oddball questions is yet another mystery to me. With that being said, I thought I would field his questions, because the bizarre nature of them is exactly what Club Trillion's blog is all about. I am thinking of turning Dale's questions into a segment we can do here on the blog called "Ten Questions with Club Trillion." So Dale, if you are reading, keep the questions coming. Here's the e-mail I got from him the other day...

"What's up Mark? I love your blog, and I swear to God I love everything that is scarlet and gray. My name is Dale R. "Woody" Thornton III and I'm originally from Farmersville, Ohio but now live in Huber Heights. I like take-n-bake pizza and men that wear red knit sweater vests. I haven't always followed Ohio State Basketball, but I saw something about this blog on one of them fancy Buckeye forums (if you don’t have one of them set as your homepage, you might as well move to Ann Arbor, cause you're not a true Buckeyes fan.) Anyways, I checked this little blog out and I'll admit it - you're pretty funny for a guy with no Buckeye helmet stickers. I was voted "Most Inquisitive" by the Dixie High class of '92 and I was wondering if I could get some questions answered. So here goes nothing.

1) I bet you can’t even count to a trillion, college boy.
2) Can you get me football tickets?
3) Has Thad Matta ever thought about wearing a red vest?
4) Should I paint my station wagon gray with scarlet flames or scarlet with gray flames?
5) I heard Danny Peters doesn’t like country music. Is this true?
6) What should I re-name my hound? I got him last year and named him Kosta Koufos Thornton, but now I can’t look at him without thinking he’s going to up and leave me all too soon.
7) My nephew can really hoop. He is a junior right now at Wayne High, and would be starting if it wasn’t for all the danged politics out here. He should be a football recruit but he got mono his freshman year and never recovered. I rebounded for him this summer and he can flat out knock down free throws. Can I tell him that Thad will give him a scholarship? If it matters, he is 5'9", 145 pounds, and plays small forward.
8) For some reason I couldn’t get tickets to the Michigan game this year. I’m still going to tailgate with some of my high school buddies and a couple of my coworkers from the body shop, though. We aren’t really familiar with Columbus. Where's a good spot for a guy to roll down to after he's had 8 or 9 beers and catch the game without some liberal telling me to stop being so loud 'because it's not like Tressel can hear what you're saying?'
9) If your life was an 80s metal song, what would it be? Mine would be 'Runnin with the devil'
10) Which would you rather - have a wolverine eat your sister or be forced to transfer to Michigan?

Go Bucks,

Dale R. 'Woody' Thornton III
Dixie High '92"

I trust you understand why I chose to include Dale's e-mail in the blog. I almost feel like I have to answer his questions, based on the sheer creativity he has behind them. Here are your answers, Dale.

1) That's not even a question, and no I won't do it.
2) Again, I won't do it.
3) Coach Matta didn't want to ride Coach Tressel's coattails, so he established his own niche of letting his chewing gum fall out of his mouth.
4) It's really your call on this one, Dale. I'd go with gray and scarlet flames, but that's just one man's opinion.
5) Danny is not the biggest country music fan, but he does know his fair share of songs and can be caught singing along with the country I blast in the weight room from time to time.
6) I think you would be doing this great country, and more importantly this blog, a disservice if you didn't re-name your hound Club Trillion Thornton.
7) I put in a good word to Coach Matta for him. I hope things work out. Too bad I won't be around to play with him when he gets here.
8) One of the stipulations of the blog is that I cannot talk about restaurants or bars or really any kind of business on here because of the perception that said business might be giving me under the table money. However, I'm sure The Trillion Man March can help you out by suggesting some places in the comments section. (Don't let me down, guys)
9) I'm going to go with "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. I actually jammed to this song when Danny and Kyle told me they weren't going to be a part of the blog anymore.
10) Annnnnnnddddd THIS question is why I pray that Dale continues sending me these e-mails...

If you are out there Dale, keep them coming. As for the rest of The Trillion Man March, I might be willing to answer your fan mail at some point in time down the road. I will have to create a new e-mail address and make sure the questions are worthy enough for the blog before I make any commitments, but I could see it happening sometime soon. Also, our first real game is on Thursday against Delaware State at 6:30 in St. John Arena, so be there or be a fraud. It's really your choice. I'll have my analysis of the game probably by Friday night, and I might even have a little OSU-Michigan preview for The Trillion Man March. You won't want to miss it.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)

#34 Jerseys: 0 to date (0 last game)

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Friday, November 14, 2008

Walsh Analysis

Calm down. I know you are upset, but if you just give me a minute to explain myself, I think you will be alright. I am fully aware that by dribbling out of bounds last night I messed up my chance at the coveted trillion. But you need to understand why it's not nearly as big of a deal as you think. Here are some reasons you should find a happy place, rub your earlobes, and count to ten.

--You know who else has dribbled out of bounds before? LeBron James. At least I knew I stepped out. He just kept posting up even though he had both feet all over the sideline.

--I'm what some would call a free spirit. If some bully tries to tell me what to do, I usually just end up doing the opposite. And that baseline looked right at me and said, "Stay in-bounds, scallywag." Naturally, I had to show it up and step out.

--I still finished with a box score of 1,000,000,010,000 which, when rounded to the nearest trillion, is exactly one trillion.

--It was an exhibition game. Why would I waste a trillion on a game that is going to be erased from the history books anyway?

--Sure I stepped out, but I looked good doing it. And according to the new school of basketball, looking good is really all that matters.

--I have zero career turnovers. I wanted to use the exhibition game to see what a TO felt like. Now that I know, I vow to never experience that feeling again.

I know I let The Trillion Man March down by disregarding a fundamental rule of basketball, but I assure you that last night was not a glimpse into the future. Just like it was a practice game for the team, it was also a practice game for Club Trillion. It's been awhile since I've had an opportunity to pull off the trillion and I definitely (notice the spelling all you "definately" and "definitally" people out there) showed my rust last night. There was some good that came from the game, though.

Kyle Madsen, former blogger and co-founding member of Club Trillion, stepped up in a big way posting a box score of something like 154950329909302. I may have just headbutted my number pad a few times, but the point is that Kyle was tearing up. Kyle will always be a member of Club Trillion, even if his success makes him more out of place than this scene from "Saved by The Bell."

Danny Peters, yet another former blogger and co-founding member of Club Trillion, did his thing and got a trillion. Really not much else to say. My man did what he was called upon to do. We have a saying in Club Trillion--"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." We also have a more applicable saying--"Act like you've been there before." Nice work, Danny, but you and I both know that we have many more trillions to come.

And even though I stepped out of bounds, I found some positives to take from the game. I laid two of the most vicious screens in Ohio State basketball history and actually heard one of the guys I screened say to me, "In case I don't make it, tell my mother I love her" as he stumbled backward. The other guy just said, "Hmmppff" and grabbed his probably dislocated shoulder. That got me thinking. I should have a "Bone-Crushing Screen Count" set up on the blog, and as I record more and more spine-altering screens, I will update the counter. I also saw two #34 jerseys in the stands. Critics could say that these jerseys represent former Big Ten Player of The Year Terence Dials, who wore #34 immediately before I did. Maybe they are on to something, but the last time I checked Terence has been gone for three years. Surely something or someone is making the fans continue to rock their #34 jerseys. So to go along with my "Bone-Crushing Screen Count", I am going to implement the "#34 Jersey Count" and update it as I see more and more fans represent the greatest blogger to ever play basketball at Ohio State (Because I'm the only OSU basketball player to have a blog, I'm also the worst, but let's leave that part out). Since the game was only an exhibition, these figures do not count either, but I still will start the counter. The two counters will serve as a way for The Trillion Man March and me to work together. I'll take care of setting murderous screens and I'll leave it up to you guys to bust out the old Terence Dials (or Lawrence Funderburke for you old school readers) jerseys to wear to the games. All of this is assuming you give me another chance to show you that I am capable of pulling off the trillion. I won't let you down.

Bone-Crushing Screens: 0 to date (0 last game)

#34 Jerseys: 0 to date (0 last game)

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Let The Games Begin

Tomorrow we play Walsh in an exhibition game, which serves as an unofficial start to the fun part of the season. And because our season is about to get underway, I thought I would address the questions about the team that everyone wants to have answered in hopes that you can get to know the team a little better. So here are, in my opinion, the five most talked about questions surrounding this year's version of the Ohio State men's basketball team.

1) Will Anthony Crater, P.J. Hill, Walter Offutt, or Jeremie Simmons start at point guard?

2) What is Coach Matta's middle name?

3) Did Jon Diebler like his role in "Superbad" or "Role Models" more?

4) If the team were to have a royal rumble, who would win and why?

5) Was Zisis Sarikopoulos in the movie "300"?

It would be pretty uncool for me to lay out these questions and not provide any answers. And since I'm currently enrolled in the Scot Pollard School of Cool (see below), I will be a courteous blog host and share my answers.

1) Yes.

2) "It doesn't"

3) Jon told me that "I will always have a special place in my heart for 'Superbad' cause it put me on the map, but 'Role Models' serves as the first step I am taking to try to establish myself as more than McLovin, so it was a much more important project to me. Plus I got to wear a cape and that has always been a dream of mine."

4) If you seriously don't know the answer to this question, then you probably should stop reading my blog. I would win in a laugher for two fairly obvious reasons. The first reason being that I am a cross between Arthur Fonzarelli and Colt from "Three Ninjas." The second being that I am the only person on the team that knows anything about professional wrestling (Fun Fact: for spring break my senior year of high school, I turned down trips to Florida and Mexico for tickets to Wrestlemania in Chicago). Do you honestly think Dave Lighty could handle a DDT courtesy of Mark "The Shark" Titus? The answer is no.

5) He was not in "300." However, he did serve as a consultant to the movie and they ended up stealing "This is Sparta!" from him, which is the saying he uses every time he dunks. You were probably thinking of a more family friendly animated movie.

Hopefully this cleared up some uncertainties you had about the team. My goal was to give you guys an idea of what to expect come game time tomorrow night, and after reading over this post, I'm pretty confident I did just that. I will definitely have an entry up in response to the game by Friday night, so if you want my thoughts on it (and who doesn't?), then come back for another helping of the blog. Until then, enjoy...

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Monday, November 10, 2008

Something For The Fans

I made it clear from the start that I wanted to make this blog a basketball blog that doesn't really talk about basketball. I like talking about the things that happen off the court, behind the scenes, and other places that are turned into a cliche. With that being said, the stuff that happens off the court is fueled by what happens on the court. And since we haven't really been doing much else but practicing, I am limited on the amount of tomfoolery I can partake in. But the fans (finally chose a nickname that I'll address later) demanded that I keep up with the blog, so I will use this post to acknowledge the first milestone in Club Trillion's blog.

My ultimate goal for the blog is to establish a fan base that consists of at least one person willing to do my laundry. But beyond that, I feel like I can create something that people can love without having any idea why they love it. Essentially I want a solid group of people who really do appreciate what's going on with Club Trillion and more specifically the magic that oozes from my fingertips onto my keyboard once every few days. However, I also want that group of people who like the blog cause the hot chick at school likes it (Seriously dude, just go talk to her. You can even use my blog as a pickup line. "So have you heard about that internet sensation Mark Titus? No way, I read his blog everyday too!" And from there the ball keeps rolling. You can thank me later). You know who these people are. They are the ones who get peer pressured. These are the people who in third grade probably used hair gel cause they saw Uncle Jesse from "Full House" using it, not realizing what it was or why they were using it, but thinking if it's good enough for Uncle Jesse then it should be good enough for them too (I really can't fault their logic at all). You get the idea. These people are vital to my success just as much as the loyal fans are, because without them I wouldn't have been able to achieve the milestone I did this weekend.

Over the weekend, I eclipsed the 1,000 visitor mark. This is not page views, but rather unique visitors, so if you just sit there and hit refresh, thank you, but you are about as helpful as Christian Laettner was on the Dream Team ("C'mon guys! Didn't you see my shot against Kentucky? I got game! I promise!"). The counter can be found at the bottom of the page and has since eclipsed the 1,200 mark. I view this as a major milestone because 1,200 visitors is about 1,191 more visitors than I ever planned on having. I sincerely want to thank all of you who regularly read the blog and spread the word about what's going on here. To those of you who came to this blog seeking inside information on Ohio State, shame on you. If you want inside information, just do it like I did. Become friends with the future #1 pick in the NBA draft and have him vouch for your unmatched ability to drain the treyball. It's really not that hard. I have a few ideas in mind about how I can take the blog to the next level, but because the NCAA is pretty strict with its rules and I don't want to overstep my boundaries with the team, I will have to make sure my ideas check out before I discuss them. Other than that, I want to say thanks once again to my fans who will from here on out be referred to as.........

The Trillion Man March

Congrats to Anonymous who came up with the name. I forgot to mention that I was going to give $100 and a ham sandwich to the winner. Too bad you posted your comment anonymously. Better luck next time.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Friday, November 7, 2008

You Got Dotted

I want to start off this blog by addressing what no doubt most of you have already noticed. You might want to make sure that nothing expensive that can be thrown across the room is around you as you read this, cause I have more bad news. As I informed you yesterday, Kyle Madsen resigned from his position as a Club Trillion blogger. His membership to the Club was not revoked, but rather he is no longer participating in the upkeep of the blog. Unfortunately, Danny Peters informed me this morning that he too would not be able to maintain his portion of the blog, for personal reasons I cannot reveal. Danny's contribution to the blog will be missed. With that being said, I'm not going anywhere. I am here to please the fans (still mulling over the choices for your nickname), even if it means I will have to do all the work. I will periodically have guest bloggers, hopefully including current and former Buckeye basketball greats and mediocres. Now that that's out of the way, let me address what I originally planned to do for this blog.

I don't want to beat a dead horse (and really I don't want to beat a live horse either), but my jumpshot is smoother than the lines Macaulay Culkin had to use to get Mila Kunis to date him. (I'm guessing "Buzz...your girlfriend...woof!" wasn't part of the initial conversation.) Because I was blessed with such a pure art form and have pretty much mastered the ability to make a 25 footer, I struggle to find new ways to keep myself entertained. (I would try dunking, but it's still only worth 2 points.) Until I came up with my new project for the rest of my career at Ohio State. It's called my "People To Dot" list and I have it taped to my locker for all to see. Allow me to explain. We have a saying around the program that when someone shoots a jumper over a defender's outstretched arms, said defender just got "dotted." This phrase comes from the notion that the defender makes up the long part of the letter "i" and the ball serves as the dot. We would call it "dotting the i", but apparently some other group at Ohio State came up with that phrase just a few days before we did. I suggested calling it "tittling the i", but the coaches refused to believe that the dot of an "i" is actually called a tittle. Plus, that sounds incredibly inappropriate to say out loud. So we stuck with "dotting." Anyway, my list consists of the players in the program I have yet to "dot." The current list includes:

Jeremie Simmons
William Buford
Walter Offutt
Anthony Crater
Zisis Sarikopoulos
P.J. Hill
Nikola Kecman
J.J. Grycko

If your favorite player isn't on this list, it's because I can't "dot" myself. If your second favorite player isn't on this list, then I hate to say it but at some point over the last two years (I didn't keep track my freshman year) they fell victim to my silky smooth J. In case you were wondering, I did, in fact, "dot" Jamar Butler, Othello Hunter, Matt Terwilliger, and Kosta Kofous last year. Every time I get a new victim from here on out, I will be sure to post it on the blog. To make it clear on what exactly qualifies as a "dot", here are the rules I have laid out:

1) The defender has to be making an attempt to challenge/block the shot.
2) The "dot" must occur in a live game situation, such as scrimmaging, going over scout team, or doing drills.
3) I must let the defender know after he gets "dotted" that I'm a walk-on and I only practice shooting for maybe 30 seconds a day.

I encourage you to make your own "People To Dot" list. Even if you don't play basketball you can make wads of paper and "dot" your co-workers as you throw away your trash. Also, feel free to add or detract any rules that would better suit your situation. Get creative with it. It promises to be the most fun you'll ever have.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Apologies and Appreciation

I have good news and bad news. The toughest question any human being will ever face in their life is which news to hear first. I'm a pretty firm believer in hearing the bad news first, that way I'm not left with a nasty taste in my mouth. I used the same logic when I was younger and used to take a big drink of milk right after eating a bite of my mom's meatloaf (I love you Mom!). With that being said I am going to break the bad news to you first, and when you are broken down and think your life can't get any worse, I'm going to swoop in and save you via fantastic news. If you want to hear the good news first, skip over this next section and come back to it. That seems like way more trouble than what it's worth, but it's your call.

Unfortunately for all you Club Trillion fans (I'm calling on the fans to come up with a nickname for yourselves), Kyle Madsen has informed me of some bad news. As I'm sure you have already noticed, he deleted his first blog. This is because Kyle has chosen to step down from his position as one of the top three bloggers on the blog. But wipe your tears. It's not that Kyle doesn't care about you. It's the exact opposite. Kyle's flaw is that he cares too much. He is in a unique position to become the first member of Club Trillion to log significant minutes in a game. Because of this, he feels like he cannot preach something he is not practicing. He feels like a hypocrite when he writes about trying to get the trillion and then actually plays a significant role in practice everyday, and possibly games in the near future. Danny and I respect Kyle's decision and want to make it clear that he will always be a member of Club Trillion regardless of how successful he is on the court. We like to think of him as an ambassador of Club Trillion, currently stationed in the land of "not wearing warm-ups the entire game." He will be missed on the blog, but as they say in show business, "I will not do that movie for less than five million." Or is it "the show must go on?" Whatever it is that they say that applies to the situation is what I'm going for.

Now for the good news. I'm sure everyone remembers my hilariously vicious blog I wrote about how "The Columbus Dispatch" seemingly backhanded Danny and me and told us to go sit back down at the kids' table. Well at the time I thought that the only people who read the blog were me, my brother, and the creepy kid in my class that looks at me funny. Apparently, I was wrong. Bob Baptist, who is essentially the media authority on Ohio State basketball and writes for "The Columbus Dispatch", read the blog and even went as far as to give us a shout-out in his own blog. He explains that the decision that was made that left Danny and me out of a team picture was not one made by "The Columbus Dispatch." I believe him, if for no other reason than if my name is to ever make it in the paper, it's going to be because of him. I appreciate that he didn't take the blog too seriously and understood that it was all in good fun. I also appreciate the love he showed us in his blog. This man can make basketball at a football school relevant using only parchment, a quill pen, and a vat of ink. But beyond that, he comprehends the term "cash cow" and understands that Club Trillion has the potential to indirectly buy him steak dinners and a fleet of Segway scooters. So once again, thank you Mr. Baptist.

I also want to take this time to thank the fans of Club Trillion and our blog. I honestly thought I would write two or three blogs, laugh about it, and then delete the entire thing within a month. But you guys (you really need to come up with a name for yourselves cause calling you "the fans" is getting old) wouldn't let me quit. So as long as you keep promising to spread the word about the three coolest college basketball players in America, we promise to keep churning out some entertainment. And with that I leave you with the awesome basketball YouTube clip for this post:

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Per Diem

Today we had a closed scrimmage at Miami (OH), which meant it was the first opportunity this year for me to experience the coolest thing about college basketball. Some might think the best part for Club Trillion is that we get hoards of women with low self-esteem thrown at us. Others might think the best part is that we get to hobnob with people such as Erin Andrews, Erin Andrews, and Erin Freaking Andrews. However, the greatest perk college basketball has to offer is per diem.

Some of you are probably saying, "I'm sorry, Mark, but I don't speak in tongues. What is this per diem you are talking about?" In response to this I say, "How about you be a little more patient? Did you honestly think that I was going to bring up per diem and then not talk about it? You have the patience of either a 7-year-old or a woman."

Per diem is a Latin phrase that directly translates to English as "cooler than sitting in a chair like AC Slater." It is the part of the road trip in which the managers dish out cash like they are professional athletes at a nightclub. Per diem for road trips ranges anywhere between $10 and $10,000. Over Christmas break, we are given anywhere between $100 and a 10 day NBA contract. The rationale behind per diem is that we are getting cash in place of the meals that we missed while we were on the road. I could care less what the rationale is. Alls I knows is that daddy is beefing up his pockets for doing absolutely nothing. And that's the great thing about per diem--it comes out of nowhere for unclear reasons and brightens my day. It's like winning the American Family Publishing Sweepstakes with a basketball manager in place of Ed McMahon. And petty cash in place of life-altering cash. So basically it's not like the AFP (Do they use that abbreviation? It doesn't look right. What's the difference between the AFP and the Publisher's Clearinghouse?) at all. You should get the idea and if you don't, you are nowhere near intelligent enough to read this blog. The point is, per diem is basically like a welfare check, only instead of being financially unstable, I qualify for getting a free handout cause my jumper is wetter than a Saturday afternoon in Seattle. And that's why college basketball rules.

In today's blog, I'm implementing a new way to end all of my blogs from here on out. So without further adieu, here is today's awesome basketball YouTube clip:

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Advertising Opportunities

Because the Club Trillion blog has been extremely successful in its first week of operation, many hotshot business execs have contacted me about advertising their companies on the blog. Unfortunately, because we are amateur athletes and the NCAA has us locked down, we cannot accept any form of money in exchange for promoting your business on the blog. And since it would be a terrible business idea for us to let you ride our coattails for free, I am making this the official denial of all requests to use the blog as a marketing ploy. So please stop e-mailing me with your requests. You are jamming my inbox and it takes me forever to delete all of the requests. With that being said, upon my graduation in the spring of 2010, I am open to negotiate with anyone interested in purchasing ad space. Thanks for understanding.

Your Friend and My Favorite,

Mark Titus (#34)
Club Trillion Co-Founder